A Compulsion

February 2, 2011 at 6:32 pm (Uncategorized)

Today I write. I’m always writing. In my head, a constant monologue, a never-ending blog post. In my head. But today, today, something had to be posted. It doesn’t matter what it is (how often is my block titled, “Which topic do I post about?”). It just needs to be out of me. And thrown into the world – imperfect, incomplete, but no longer just an idea.

Lots (and I want to quantify that, put huge number on it so you’ll understand LOTS) of my mental and emotional energy and time has been in a strange twirling swirl lately. I told the Universe I was open to her wisdom, and it’s coming through in torrents. Picking my way through the pieces and focusing on being in the wisdom instead of trying to always understand it, categorize it, force it to make sense… well it’s required as many naps as my preschooler will allow. A few threads:

  • Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning
  • My recent ADD diagnosis – a framework for my past, a new way of moving forward
  • The Declaration of You (found via White Hot Truth – because Danielle seems to be a direct line to the Universe)
  • I have been trying to hide for years
  • The possibility of a move to Nashville last December has brought up more doubts about living in Tucson
  • Julia Cameron’s Walking in This World  – without the actual walks
  • Iodine supplementation
  • All my to-do lists are useless because I lack Meaning and Purpose (see, Logotherapy)
  • I have zero ideas about how it would even be possible to leave here
  • I need a new psychiatrist – scary and annoying
  • The realization that I want to be seen

Now, time to carry the preschooler to the bathroom; he has decided not to walk today.

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